My teenage daughter is an 18yr old Hypochondriac. In the past few weeks, she has been complaining of continuing abdominal pains. Her fellow hairdressing students all diagnosed her as having Ovarian Cancer, terminal colon cancer, or bird flu. She finally went to a Doctor. The Doctor did a bunch of tests, including an expensive CT-SCAN with Contrast to try to determine the cause of the abdominal discomfort. Words like “Crohns Disease” and “IBS” were bounced around as possible causes of the pain. Today the results came back. We now know the true horror of what inflicts our poor little girl….. My daughter is….full of shit. The diagnosis on the CT SCAN? “Abnormally large amounts of stool in colon” What does that mean Dad? she asks me…(me being a former Nurse…) I am brutally honest…..it means you are full of shit. She yells…”DAD!! I’m serious!! What does that mean????!!!” I calmly tell her that stool is the medical term for shit. Having an abnormal amount of stool in your colon…..in all truth….means you are full of shit. We have always suspected that our daughter was full of shit, now thanks to medical science, we have a medical diagnosis to prove our theory. So, now she has racked up over $1,000 on our health care bill all to be told that she is full of shit. I tell her this little nugget (pardon the pun) and she replies “Shit Dad…shit sure is expensive these days…”
She asked what they were going to do to treat her new found wealth and abundance of shit. I told her that the Doctor would prescribe some lovely drink or pill that would completely clear out her colon. “What does that mean?” she asked. Again, stone-faced, I replied…”They are going to give you something to make you shit all day long so you can get all the shit out of your system….”
Thinking I was joking….she said “Dad….your full of Shit!” “Your just messin with me!”
No dear daughter….you are full of shit. Literally.
I hope you faithful readers did not eat too soon before reading this lovely post. Now, if you will excuse me, I will go back to eating my steaming hot chili burger……
LOL….this is funny!!! Poor Hannah!!!
By: Great Sis in law on March 11, 2009
at 4:54 pm
Did you tell her to charge her phone and get plenty of magazines? She might want to put an out of order sign on the bathroom door. Those little pills sure do work for a long, long time!!
By: Teresa on March 11, 2009
at 9:27 pm