WWE Wrestling: The Day After…. (start dueling banjos music now..)

Yesterday, prior to my son and I attending a WWE Wrestling event for the first time, I used this blog to spell out some preconceived notions I might have had as to the general make-up of the typical WWE audience.

I hinted that I might not fit in with the other attendees in that I do not own any camouflage, Nascar gear, Sleeveless redneck t-shirts, a Wal-Mart smock, etc. etc.

I was doing my very best to stereotype the types of people I would expect to find at a WWE Event, without ever even having watched a WWE event on TV, let alone in person. For all I really knew, I was really way off base and would be proven to be a major league ignorant idiot of the highest magnitude….

Well, after attending this WWE event, in person, I can calmly sit down and type out my thoughts as to what I found to be the reality of the WWE audience here in North Texas.

I NAILED IT!!!!

BIG TIME!!!!

Never, I mean N-E-V-E-R in my blogging life have I ever sat down and prejudged and savaged a group of people as I had with what I thought I was going to encounter at yesterday’s “Rasslin Match”. My depiction of the people in attendance was so spot on, that I now think I might have some actual psychic or idiot-savant type tendencies….

From the moment I left the car, until the moment we returned to the car……..I was awash in a sea of:

Camouflage
Nascar Clothing
Sleeveless shirts on people over 400lbs
mullets….thousands of mullets…..everywhere you looked…..Mulletville USA!!
Confederate flag shirts, bumper stickers, flags, tattoo’s, etc.
Men, women, children, and small pets….dippin..spittin..and chewin….for as far as the eye could see…
Men with wallets actually chained to their belts
Women with a beer in one corner of the mouth, a cigarette in the other corner, and a back-up cigarette in the other hand…
Thousands of men wearing greasy work shirts with their first names patched on the front..
A thousand cars and trucks in the parking lot and mine was the only one without a visible gun rack
(I am still trying to scrub all the red off of the back of my neck area…)

It was the supporting cast of the movie “Deliverance”, but a thousand times worse!!

No, I am not over-exaggerating…….. it was that bad!……

Things might be different in your neck of the woods if you attend a “rasslin match”….I am just relaying the “gene-pool experiment gone bad” feel of the audience that attended in Wichita Falls, TX.

I have attended one NASCAR race in my life.

Comparing the WWE to NASCAR, the NASCAR race was like going to the Opera……..

One other thing about the people in attendance yesterday………almost everyone in the building…..thought what they were watching was REAL!!………

We saw about 8-9 “matches”.

EVERY match has the same set-up. There is a hero, and a villain. The villain beats the tar out of the hero for the first 90% of the match before the hero, spurred on by the cheers of the crowd, comes storming back for a stunning victory…..

EVERY match came out this way! One thing about Pro “Wrestling” is that there is really NO RULES. Guys hit their opponents with fists, clubs, chairs, 2X4′s, spiked clubs, golf clubs, stray Chihuahua’s, you name it…..

A wrestler could pick up said stray chihuahua, start beating his opponent senselessly about the buttocks with the terrified pooch, and the idiots behind me are all standing up screaming….”That’s a foul!! That’s a foul!! Hey Ref!! That’s a Foul! You can’t swing a dog below the belt on Sunday!! That’s a foul!!!”

The brainless droids all think that the whole show is actually real…….I was stunned!…..

Bad guy starts punching good guy in the chest repeatedly…….frantic fan behind me is telling his little woman that…”Oh that’s a broken rib! Oh! There’s nuther un! There’s nuther un!! He’s got at least 37 broken ribs now Margene!!….Aint no way he’s fightin fer a month!!!!!”

No kind sir, I respectfully disagree…… I would wager my house on the fact that both of these gentleman will be back to “rasslin” lickety-split…..like….the NEXT NIGHT….in the next town…..because……(wait for it…wait for it…) IT IS FAKE!!!!! F-A-K-E!!!!!!!! They are ENTERTAINERS!!

The “STAR” of the night was John Cena. My son says that he is more famous than GOD himself. Not as famous as Jon Gosselin or Sarah Palin…..but definitely more famous than GOD.

Apparently, the Good Lord Himself most likely has a John Cena poster on his wall….

He came out with the same routine as all the others. John Cena comes out to screaming hero’s welcome, gets the living crap beat out of him for 10 minutes, crowd spurs him into miraculous comeback, bad guy loses, John Cena leaves ring triumphant……mindless droids are in a frenzy…..everyone is happy.

My son had a great time. That was all I really cared about. He knows that it is fake, he just looks at like going to a good movie. I told him that I was happy he enjoyed it….but let him know in no uncertain terms…..that I would N-E-V-E-R be attending another WWE anything for the remainder of my life…..

You might ask, was there not one positive out of the whole ordeal?

To be fair, yes there was…..

Parking was free.

For that, I am grateful.